what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Randomize
