do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
