I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
