White coat. Heels.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
