So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
