So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
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