You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Ketchup is God's man juice
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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