Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
