Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
