Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
