I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
