My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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