Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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