and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
