i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
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Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
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Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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