I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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