watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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