I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
