Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
