he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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