so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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