proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
