Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
