why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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