do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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