I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
