i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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