My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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