Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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