Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
