we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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