Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
