forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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