My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
