maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
