I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Randomize
