Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
