You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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