you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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