Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I just had sex on a roof
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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