Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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