you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
