Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
