I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
