Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
