i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
