I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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