Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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