This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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