I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
