He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
