I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
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She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
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My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno