He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Randomize
