Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.