True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
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I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?