Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
