Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
