She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
