you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
