You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
