We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
