i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
