He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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