i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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