What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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