the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
