his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
