Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
