Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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