if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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