I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
