Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
