If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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