i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
