i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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