using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
