sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
3 2 1 whiskey
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
