I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
