I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
