I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Randomize
