This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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