Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
